The Five Languages of Apology

Gary Chapman and renowned counsellor Jennifer Thomas have discovered through years of consultation and research that everyone has their own customary apology language, and that there are five effective apology languages.

The Five Languages of Apology is a book that uses real-life examples and stories to illustrate the impact and changes that learning to master the art of apologising can have on marriages, families, relationships, parenting and relationships of all kinds.

This is a book about sincerity, because in the most important relationships in your life, there is something you have to give, and it takes courage and sincerity to do so - an apology.

Language 1: Express your apologies. The most common expression is "I'm sorry". On an emotional level, express to the offended person your guilt, shame and pain for having hurt them by your actions. You can say something like this: I am truly sorry for my behaviour; I am really sorry that I have let you down. I am sorry that I let you down and that I should have been more careful; I am very hug

Language 2: Admit fault. A simple apology will not only make a huge difference, but more importantly it means taking responsibility for your actions. You can say things like: I know I did wrong and there is no excuse; I made a big mistake and I wish I had thought twice about it; I was wrong to speak to you like that and I hope you can forgive me.

Language 3: Make up for your mistake. If you just say things like "I'm sorry, I was wrong" without making amends sincerely, the other person will never see your apology as genuine and it will not achieve the goal of forgiveness and understanding. What can I do to make up for what I have done? I know I have hurt you deeply and I would like to do something to make it up to you. I don't think it's enough to just say 'I'm sorry', I want to make amends for my mistake, what do you think I should do? Language 4: Sincere repentance. Being willing to make a decision to change shows that we are no longer looking for excuses for our mistakes, but that we take full responsibility for our actions. I know that my behaviour has caused you pain and I will never do it again and will actively listen to any ideas you have about how I should change.

Language 5: Ask for forgiveness. Most of the time forgiveness is expensive, so don't expect them to forgive you right away; it will take them a while to see if you have really made amends or are truly sorry. You can say things like: I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you, please forgive me; I know I hurt you deeply, but I'm really sorry for what I did and I hope you can forgive me; I was wrong and I won't do it again, can you please forgive me. Also, many relationships die because one or both parties do not apologise effectively. There is nothing more important in a relationship than learning and using each other's main apologetic language.