what I am thinking about Apologizing

One day, I am talking with my friend about her friend didn't accept her apology, and let me think of why people have to say sorry, how to say sorry, and why did everyone have to accept people sorry?

I roughly search in google about why people have to say sorry ? The reason of saying sorry, the first website is talking about Why It's Important to Apologize in Relationships, the follow is what the wedsite say, "Apologizing re-establish dignity for those you hurt: Letting the injured party know that you know it was your fault, not theirs, helps them feel better, and it helps them save face. Apologizing helps repair relationships: By getting people talking again, an apology makes them feel comfortable with each other again."

So why have to make fault to make us have to apologizing to someone? It is a really good question. Who defined fault is fault? The definition of fault in Definitions from Oxford Languages, an unattractive or unsatisfactory feature, especially in a piece of work or in a person's character and responsibility for an accident or misfortune.

I feel we tended to misuse apologies. Whenever bumps into public, I automatically blurt out a “sorry.” It is certainly not the only time people misuse the word.

Many apologize as a way to avoid conflict, sneak in a justification (sorry, but…) or use it to launch into a shopping list of previous grievances.

Why is apologizing so important?

A sincere apology can go a long way. It doesn’t matter if we hurt someone intentionally or accidentally – we have to take responsibility. By owning our mistakes, we have the chance to rebuild trust, validate experiences and heal wounds. But when we refuse to take ownership, we ignore the consequences of our actions and lessen the safety of the relationship, and ultimately, deepen the hurt.

Why don’t some people accept apologies when people apologies?

One possibility, in this case, is that our apology is not coming across as genuine. Sometimes, people feel true remorse internally, but express it as a simple, ‘sorry.’ A few words in addition to the ‘sorry’ can put across our true feelings. It is good to feel remorse. However, to put it across to another person, it must be expressed sincerely as well. The other person cannot get into our minds and know our feelings, so we should avoid making that assumption. Along with a word of apology, conveying to the other person something like, “I realize that I hurt your feelings, that you had to undergo a lot of pain due to my actions,” and being specific about what you are referring to is very effective. It puts across your genuineness. People who care for us do not want an apology from us to validate that we were wrong and they were right, rather, they want us to realize our mistakes and accept our apologies when we do so.

Another fact we need to know is that everyone has unique emotional strength. Most people are emotionally vulnerable at any given time due to their own emotional habits, and because they have to face several stressors in their lives. Owing to this, they may not be in a frame of mind to accept our apologies. By this, I mean that they might be undergoing so much turmoil already that our actions may have been particularly hurtful to them. Perhaps we do not realize the extent of suffering we have caused them. Perhaps their own emotional vulnerability has caused them to magnify the proportion of hurt we have caused them. If we are genuinely apologetic, we absolutely must learn to be patient. We have to learn to give the other person their own time to recover and to heal. Forgiveness must be earned, not demanded. We can choose when to hurt another person, but the person to whom we caused the hurt decides when to forgive us. Just as they had to accept our actions unconditionally, we must accept the time they take to heal unconditionally. The period that we wait for them to heal can be taken as an opportunity to strengthen our relationship with them, we can keep doing little acts and communicating our love for them in this time, hoping for a stronger bond than before since we are going into a deeper level - an emotional level of interaction. Besides, even if they do not forgive us ultimately, we can be content that we tried our best and some relations are just not meant to be.

An "I'm sorry" does not necessarily wipe out all the unhappiness. When you apologise, not only do you need to express your apology for the fact that it has affected you, but you also need to empathise with the feelings of the person you are apologising to in order to overcome their feelings of resentment.

Sometimes things are inherently unforgivable, like when you kill my father and then tell me you're sorry, or when you say something that hurts me and then say you're sorry. Why does saying sorry mean that the other person has to forgive you? If you think that you are sorry, it is like emotional blackmail.

You may have heard someone say, "I've apologised, what else do you want? When you hear this, even those who are not angry will get angry and smoke will come out of their seven senses.

The real question is not "did you apologise", but "did you empathise with the other person's unhappiness". A verbal apology is a way of blackmailing the other person into forgiving you.